This is a simple lesson. What to do with Grievances? Allow a miracle instead. You can't make a miracle happen, but you can be willing for it. Sometimes I think, is ACIM just about "Keeping Calm and Carrying On." Not really any great spiritual substance, just, stop getting your knickers in such a twist, my girl. Would it really be just as good to do a course in stress management?
Then I see a lesson like this and it underlines that this is a mind training, but not just a mind training. It really is a doorway into another universe, the Real world. Each lesson is a little path and a door. Every day, every practice of a lesson, and that door might just swing wide open.
The thing is, our willingness. That's why it it might take a while. It takes a while to have the willingness to allow the door to open. Every grievance seems to be like a boulder in front of the door, making it harder to open.
Today I was thinking, you know, I don't have many grievances about individual people. I reflected on someone and did come up with a list of things I wish were different, things that I am disappointed about. Perhaps it's been so long, I have become resigned to those things being that way. I don't try to change him, but I don't exactly see him as a radiant Son of God.
Now if it's true that how I judge others it how I judge myself, I think...and what is my attitude to myself? Resignation? It's certainly not always an attitude of delighted self acceptance. Here is how the dictionary defines it:
Resignation:
an accepting, unresisting attitude, state, etc.; submission;acquiescence: to meet one's fate with resignation
There are undertones here of a victim consciousness. A sense that the grievances are real, but one will be good and brave about them.
I think the Holy Spirit might have blown my cover. Resignation is a long way from joy. It would not take much prodding for resignation to surge up into a full blown grievance again. Resignation might be the compromise I've made to avoid real transformation. Well I'm not that happy about this and that about myself and others, but I will be good and not make a fuss. There will just be this continuous mild dissatisfaction.
Another thought was...I might have a grievance about my spiritual progress...how long the transformation is taking, why I haven't got a public ministry, why I'm not changing fast enough. After all, I've worked at it so hard!
That's quite a little bundle of grievances really. The thing is, I keep trying to fix it all myself. Asking for a miracle... how simple!
I am willing to let miracles replace all grievances, even, and especially, the ones disguised with a veneer of resignation. Writing this is like my confession to Truth. Now, I hand all this over. And I let go.
Sunday 18 March 2012
Thursday 15 March 2012
What to do when you feel afraid.
Fear is not real. But it can be a strong illusion! And sometimes it can sneak up on you. One moment, you feel just fine, centered, and dandy. The next...not quite so fine. Often something happens in between the fine and the not fine moment. Some "stimulus" to go back to psychology days. In my experience the stimuli can be subtle or they can be anything but.
Subtle...you hear of the death of someone round your age. You feel a bit sad, remembering what that person brought into your life. And underneath is the disquieting thought...That could be me. That will be me, one day. I wonder when....and how will I cope. Suddenly you realize you've gone quite a long way down a route of speculation about how and when the "end" will come. And your thinking is clouded by fear. The unease is because you don't quite trust the Love that you really are to sustain you in every moment of this life, and beyond.
And the not so subtle...work is demanding, and you don't know how you will get it all done. Trying to meet deadlines is causing you stress and there are a multitude of tasks to do. You feel like a juggler trying to keep 300 balls in the air. Suddenly you are feeling anxious and possibly lie awake, tiring yourself out with fretting about what you have not done and what you must do. Guilt and fear, the toxic cocktail.
A third common "stressor" is finances these days. Another bill. Any prompt to feel ashamed or panicky. The ego mind is immediately off on a race to find its solution. Isn't that the responsible thing to do?
Well, actually, no. The ego mind is not really looking for a solution, but for an escape.
Three examples of "temptations
" to wander into fear.
What as an ACIM student can you do when this "wandering" starts.
A 4 step process...
A for Awareness. Be aware, alert, sensitive. Just notice what is happening. There is no point in saying to yourself, I am an ACIM student. I don't feel like this. Notice the discomfort however mild. Hey, you will say to yourself, I don't feel so good, what's going on here?
C for Choice... something in me in choosing fear in some form. That's what doesn't feel good. Love is letting go of fear. So simple...But not on your own. Choose to ask for help from the Holy Spirit. That's Something outside the person commonly known as me.
Holy Spirit, I've got these worries. Death. Work. Money. You know, the little things that just won't go away. I should be able to handle them all. That's what I came here for, isn't it? To worry about problems and work hard to solve them. But after so many years, my attempts haven't worked very well and to be honest I am getting mighty tired of all that solving.
What's a better way?
Reply: Give them to Me. They are burdens (or so they feel to you) and the more you work at them, the bigger the burden will seem to become. Ask for My help.
Me: I feel like a child and it's not very sophisticated. I'd rather carry on coping...
H S. That's your choice. Or at least your ego's choice, "I'll do it my way." So you prefer to keep the burdens?
Me: ....actually no. I choose freedom. I accept that You are the solver, and the solution. I just dream up the problems and then I should just say, here's another fine mess I've got me into.
HS That's it. I don't need more permission than that.
Me. I feel better already.
HS Another word for this is forgiveness. You just forgave yourself for the bad dreams you're having. That's why forgiveness is like waking up. That's step 3, the insight...
Me And step 4...
HS Is always a miracle. Seeing that Love is Perfection and that it the truth. Nothing else matters.
Accept that truth for yourself now, in this situation. No matter what seems to be happening, Love is.
Awareness. Choice. Insight. Miracle.
Subtle...you hear of the death of someone round your age. You feel a bit sad, remembering what that person brought into your life. And underneath is the disquieting thought...That could be me. That will be me, one day. I wonder when....and how will I cope. Suddenly you realize you've gone quite a long way down a route of speculation about how and when the "end" will come. And your thinking is clouded by fear. The unease is because you don't quite trust the Love that you really are to sustain you in every moment of this life, and beyond.
And the not so subtle...work is demanding, and you don't know how you will get it all done. Trying to meet deadlines is causing you stress and there are a multitude of tasks to do. You feel like a juggler trying to keep 300 balls in the air. Suddenly you are feeling anxious and possibly lie awake, tiring yourself out with fretting about what you have not done and what you must do. Guilt and fear, the toxic cocktail.
A third common "stressor" is finances these days. Another bill. Any prompt to feel ashamed or panicky. The ego mind is immediately off on a race to find its solution. Isn't that the responsible thing to do?
Well, actually, no. The ego mind is not really looking for a solution, but for an escape.
Three examples of "temptations
" to wander into fear.
What as an ACIM student can you do when this "wandering" starts.
A 4 step process...
A for Awareness. Be aware, alert, sensitive. Just notice what is happening. There is no point in saying to yourself, I am an ACIM student. I don't feel like this. Notice the discomfort however mild. Hey, you will say to yourself, I don't feel so good, what's going on here?
C for Choice... something in me in choosing fear in some form. That's what doesn't feel good. Love is letting go of fear. So simple...But not on your own. Choose to ask for help from the Holy Spirit. That's Something outside the person commonly known as me.
Holy Spirit, I've got these worries. Death. Work. Money. You know, the little things that just won't go away. I should be able to handle them all. That's what I came here for, isn't it? To worry about problems and work hard to solve them. But after so many years, my attempts haven't worked very well and to be honest I am getting mighty tired of all that solving.
What's a better way?
Reply: Give them to Me. They are burdens (or so they feel to you) and the more you work at them, the bigger the burden will seem to become. Ask for My help.
Me: I feel like a child and it's not very sophisticated. I'd rather carry on coping...
H S. That's your choice. Or at least your ego's choice, "I'll do it my way." So you prefer to keep the burdens?
Me: ....actually no. I choose freedom. I accept that You are the solver, and the solution. I just dream up the problems and then I should just say, here's another fine mess I've got me into.
HS That's it. I don't need more permission than that.
Me. I feel better already.
HS Another word for this is forgiveness. You just forgave yourself for the bad dreams you're having. That's why forgiveness is like waking up. That's step 3, the insight...
Me And step 4...
HS Is always a miracle. Seeing that Love is Perfection and that it the truth. Nothing else matters.
Accept that truth for yourself now, in this situation. No matter what seems to be happening, Love is.
Awareness. Choice. Insight. Miracle.
Tuesday 13 March 2012
Lesson 73 "I will there be light."
It's funny how occasionally I am being prepared for the Lesson, even before I open the Course.
Today's pre lesson awareness was:
I, or at least my ego, want to be angry. If there is a good, rock solid reason, all the better. And what better reason than being a victim!
When I got angry yesterday, it felt very "righteous." For a little while I felt glad to be angry. But then a teeny little thought sidled in from left field..It said, before I could stop it:
" What if there has always been this bit of you, lurking, mostly hidden, that is looking for situations to justify being angry? What if the reality is that that bit just is angry, with or without a reason? but it's so much better to have a good reason for it! If that is the case then why would you then ever create a truly loving, joyful situation?" "It", who might have been the Holy Spirit for all I know, said all that in about the blink of an eye. Oh, oh, oh!
Not a comfortable thought to begin with, but it rang true. One aspect of being a victim is how much justified anger one can feel! Endless amounts! And the current situation at work feels a bit like the situation I was in a few years ago, when I had a violent friend/lodger. My anger was totally justified, in terms of day to day living. Once it became just a bit too painful, I ended it.
I'm the common factor. I created these situations.....because I need good excuses to feel anger? OOoh dear. I felt...busted, but in a loving way. Someone really knows me!
So then I read the lesson. It was like having a loudspeaker underlining the truth. Powerful words:
"Idle wishes or grievances are partners or co-makers in picturing the world you see.
The wishes of the ego gave rise to it, and the ego's need for grievances, which are necessary to maintain it, peoples it with figures that seem to attack you and call for "righteous" judgement.
These figures become the middlemen the ego employs to traffic in grievances.....
Your will is lost to you in this strange bartering, in which guilt is traded back and forth, and grievances increase with each exchange....
We have repeatedly emphasized that the barrier of grievances is easily passed..."
So perhaps it is not true that "having it out with someone" is a really a good idea! I had that experience yesterday. The discussion became quite heated as we did a grown up version of name calling. After a small initial surge of power I felt small, helpless and guilty.
Later I pondered on the fact that my "middleman" on this occasion was a woman, and my boss.
I am literally employing my employer to "traffic in grievances." And I remember thinking I'd rather have my job, than hers, because it's better to be a victim than a victimizer. I really chose this situation.
I was, once upon a time, an angry child who did not dare to express her rage and who experienced a particular response of control and disapproval from her mother when she tried. Have I really not dealt with this, not forgiven my mother? I know that at quite an early age, say 10, I formed a shield with my will, saying to myself, I will not let her "in" again, because she does not understand or respect me. That shield has remained in place ever since. Maybe now it's time to drop it?
In ACIM terms, I made a decision at that time to distance myself from my mother. My mother was my first and main "middleman." We learn about anger and forgiveness in those relationships, more or less!
My anger towards my mother took the form of making that "shield". I wanted to keep her out of my inner sanctum. And I succeeded. But there is a price to pay, in guilt and in being shut out of that inner sanctum too! It was a grievance that became like a foundation stone of the "barrier of grievances".
Today's lesson aims at helping us get beyond the barrier.There is a very comforting line:
"No idle wishes can detain us, nor deceive us with an illusion of strength."
However the barrier of grievances can seem like very strong illusion, all the more for being "righteous."
In the Text 15: VII 4,5 there is another description of the process.
"The ego wishes no one well.Yet its survival depends on your belief that you are exempt from its evil intentions. It counsels therefore, that if you are host to it, it will enable you to direct its anger outward, thus protecting you. And thus it embarks on an endless, unrewarding chain of special relationships, forged out of anger and dedicated to but one insane belief: that the more anger you invest outside yourself, the safer you become.
It is this chain that binds the Son of God to guilt, and it is this chain the Holy Spirit would remove from his holy mind. For the chain of savagery belongs not around the chosen host of God, who cannot make himself host to the ego."
Fundamentally this "chain of savagery" is not real, because it is not of God.
However real it may feel in the mind and the emotions, it is an illusion. It might be a very strong illusion, but in the light of truth, it will dissolve into nothingness. I only have to be willing, to let go, to forgive....to want to see the truth rather than cherish my illusions.Which do I choose?
Light, or illusion? That's the challenge, that choice. Then can be the miracle... Yes, I will there be light.
I received some gifts today which I do appreciate...the sharing of a talk by Lisa Natoli of http://gorgeousforgod.com/ It is a beautiful expression of loving, looking beyond the grievance to the beauty of the Beloved who is within everyone. No matter what the appearance. We don't have to figure it out or wait till they change, just love them. Mothers and all!
Blessings to all who are in pain or remembering pain of whatever kind. Let's let the grievances go.
From "We Can See the Truth In Your Eyes."
Today's pre lesson awareness was:
I, or at least my ego, want to be angry. If there is a good, rock solid reason, all the better. And what better reason than being a victim!
When I got angry yesterday, it felt very "righteous." For a little while I felt glad to be angry. But then a teeny little thought sidled in from left field..It said, before I could stop it:
" What if there has always been this bit of you, lurking, mostly hidden, that is looking for situations to justify being angry? What if the reality is that that bit just is angry, with or without a reason? but it's so much better to have a good reason for it! If that is the case then why would you then ever create a truly loving, joyful situation?" "It", who might have been the Holy Spirit for all I know, said all that in about the blink of an eye. Oh, oh, oh!
Not a comfortable thought to begin with, but it rang true. One aspect of being a victim is how much justified anger one can feel! Endless amounts! And the current situation at work feels a bit like the situation I was in a few years ago, when I had a violent friend/lodger. My anger was totally justified, in terms of day to day living. Once it became just a bit too painful, I ended it.
I'm the common factor. I created these situations.....because I need good excuses to feel anger? OOoh dear. I felt...busted, but in a loving way. Someone really knows me!
So then I read the lesson. It was like having a loudspeaker underlining the truth. Powerful words:
"Idle wishes or grievances are partners or co-makers in picturing the world you see.
The wishes of the ego gave rise to it, and the ego's need for grievances, which are necessary to maintain it, peoples it with figures that seem to attack you and call for "righteous" judgement.
These figures become the middlemen the ego employs to traffic in grievances.....
Your will is lost to you in this strange bartering, in which guilt is traded back and forth, and grievances increase with each exchange....
We have repeatedly emphasized that the barrier of grievances is easily passed..."
So perhaps it is not true that "having it out with someone" is a really a good idea! I had that experience yesterday. The discussion became quite heated as we did a grown up version of name calling. After a small initial surge of power I felt small, helpless and guilty.
Later I pondered on the fact that my "middleman" on this occasion was a woman, and my boss.
I am literally employing my employer to "traffic in grievances." And I remember thinking I'd rather have my job, than hers, because it's better to be a victim than a victimizer. I really chose this situation.
I was, once upon a time, an angry child who did not dare to express her rage and who experienced a particular response of control and disapproval from her mother when she tried. Have I really not dealt with this, not forgiven my mother? I know that at quite an early age, say 10, I formed a shield with my will, saying to myself, I will not let her "in" again, because she does not understand or respect me. That shield has remained in place ever since. Maybe now it's time to drop it?
In ACIM terms, I made a decision at that time to distance myself from my mother. My mother was my first and main "middleman." We learn about anger and forgiveness in those relationships, more or less!
My anger towards my mother took the form of making that "shield". I wanted to keep her out of my inner sanctum. And I succeeded. But there is a price to pay, in guilt and in being shut out of that inner sanctum too! It was a grievance that became like a foundation stone of the "barrier of grievances".
Today's lesson aims at helping us get beyond the barrier.There is a very comforting line:
"No idle wishes can detain us, nor deceive us with an illusion of strength."
However the barrier of grievances can seem like very strong illusion, all the more for being "righteous."
In the Text 15: VII 4,5 there is another description of the process.
"The ego wishes no one well.Yet its survival depends on your belief that you are exempt from its evil intentions. It counsels therefore, that if you are host to it, it will enable you to direct its anger outward, thus protecting you. And thus it embarks on an endless, unrewarding chain of special relationships, forged out of anger and dedicated to but one insane belief: that the more anger you invest outside yourself, the safer you become.
It is this chain that binds the Son of God to guilt, and it is this chain the Holy Spirit would remove from his holy mind. For the chain of savagery belongs not around the chosen host of God, who cannot make himself host to the ego."
Fundamentally this "chain of savagery" is not real, because it is not of God.
However real it may feel in the mind and the emotions, it is an illusion. It might be a very strong illusion, but in the light of truth, it will dissolve into nothingness. I only have to be willing, to let go, to forgive....to want to see the truth rather than cherish my illusions.Which do I choose?
Light, or illusion? That's the challenge, that choice. Then can be the miracle... Yes, I will there be light.
I received some gifts today which I do appreciate...the sharing of a talk by Lisa Natoli of http://gorgeousforgod.com/ It is a beautiful expression of loving, looking beyond the grievance to the beauty of the Beloved who is within everyone. No matter what the appearance. We don't have to figure it out or wait till they change, just love them. Mothers and all!
Blessings to all who are in pain or remembering pain of whatever kind. Let's let the grievances go.
From "We Can See the Truth In Your Eyes."
Why are you so enchanted by this world
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come-
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come-
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
You were born from the rays of God’s Majesty
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
You are a ruby encased in granite.
How long will you deceive Us with this outer show?
O friend, We can see the truth in your eyes!
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul. Rumi
How long will you deceive Us with this outer show?
O friend, We can see the truth in your eyes!
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul. Rumi
Sunday 11 March 2012
A Course in Miracles Today: Lesson 71
Today I am on Lesson 71, "Only God's plan for salvation will work."
I have been writing another blog about my job, which is full of learning opportunities and challenges. I have tried to look at it through the lens of ACIM on that blog, but that has felt a bit odd. This is a place where my ACIM journey is the focus, not the job! What a relief!
This morning's lesson makes the suggestion to spend quiet time absorbing the lesson, and as part of that to ask 3 questions.
What would You have me do today?
Where would you have me go?
What would you have me say and to whom?
I did my best with this in meditation and the answer came: "Start a blog about your ACIM journey." I know there are many of them, but I do feel a sense of joy and anticipation about this! I will enjoy it, regardless of the outcome. And so here it is! I am quite a "serious" student and I want to record the insights, challenges and miracles. Hmmh. ACIM A =? C= Challenges, I = Insights, M= Miracles A...., well let's see. How about Awareness? I like! Awareness, Challenges, Insights and Miracles. A Course in Miracles. My ACIM blog.
So what is my current challenge? Basically I feel victimized at work. I don't want to go into the detail here, I did that somewhere else and you can see it in all its glory here. But in a nutshell, I feel overloaded with work and not just me, but the whole team is struggling. I'm grappling with whether to lodge an actual grievance, confront my boss/es, go sick, etc. What struck me in today's lesson were the lines: "...let us rejoice that there is an answer to what seems to be a conflict with no resolution possible. All things are possible to God. Salvation must be yours because of His plan, which cannot fail."
How encouraging is that! Regardless of the situation I appear to face, the reality is that God has a plan for my salvation....which cannot fail. I don't know what it is at the moment in relation to my current job situation.
I'm aware of the resistance I have to asking God for help. One of the big things in my life was that I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home and it has left me with some baggage. Though quite a lot of it has been resolved, I still have the sense that God's plan, God's will, entails some big sacrifice on my part. Trusting that God is only wanting me to be healed, and that means happy, is a radical undoing of my version of ego, separateness and fear.
Still, I am in a situation which I see a conflict "with no resolution possible." In some ways there is really no choice but to hand the mess to God.
Today, I don't actively need to deal with the situation. It is a Sunday, and I did make the choice not to bring work home. Today, I can practise handing it over. God sees the situation, me, the whole big picture. I can just relax about it.
One question I have is, as a student of ACIM, would it ever be right to make a formal grievance? Supposing I did so from the most loving place within myself, with the intention of highlighting an abuse, injustice, etc?
A few years ago, I was in an abusive living situation. I started studying ACIM at that time, and it was Peace that became a mantra. My intention was peace, as best I understood it. Just 6 weeks after starting the Course I had to act in a radical way to get a person who was physically abusive out of my home. I did do it without hostility to him, but it did involve force...it seems so long ago, but at the time, I was frightened for my life. This is a more complicated situation, and as challenging in its own way. It is affecting not just me but other people. If I put in a grievance or make some other assertive outer response, it might just improve things for them. Again, I don't know the answer.
But I do know that God's Answer would be a miracle, and I think I was guided to the words of Robert Perry: " The miracle frees us from the prison of the past and thus releases the future. It collapses time...it frees us from having to free ourselves...the miracle frees us instantaneously, for it does not respect time and its laws of gradual change. It is our right.....We are freed of having to wait for it, for it is always there, waiting on us...We are called to be miracle workers, to miraculously release others from their imprisonment, but first we must accept miracle-mindedness for ourselves." (From The Answer is a Miracle by Robert Perry and Allen Watson, P.18)
I'm on my second journey through the workbook and must say it's a different experience this time round, much more "real." This situation at work is a bundle of "clouds" obscuring the light, can I accept I am responsible, it is a reflection of my inner world and so the work I have to do is in my inner world first?
Prayer for today, and until the situation is resolved:
"Dear God, please take hold of this situation at work. I am willing to do what You guide me to do. I claim the miracle that is waiting for me. I know that Your will for me is joy and freedom, not misery and bondage. I stop struggling and I trust that I will see Your Answer. And so it is."
It is wonderful that I do feel the truth of this, a sense of anticipation and peace tell me something has already happened. Thank You God!
I have been writing another blog about my job, which is full of learning opportunities and challenges. I have tried to look at it through the lens of ACIM on that blog, but that has felt a bit odd. This is a place where my ACIM journey is the focus, not the job! What a relief!
This morning's lesson makes the suggestion to spend quiet time absorbing the lesson, and as part of that to ask 3 questions.
What would You have me do today?
Where would you have me go?
What would you have me say and to whom?
I did my best with this in meditation and the answer came: "Start a blog about your ACIM journey." I know there are many of them, but I do feel a sense of joy and anticipation about this! I will enjoy it, regardless of the outcome. And so here it is! I am quite a "serious" student and I want to record the insights, challenges and miracles. Hmmh. ACIM A =? C= Challenges, I = Insights, M= Miracles A...., well let's see. How about Awareness? I like! Awareness, Challenges, Insights and Miracles. A Course in Miracles. My ACIM blog.
So what is my current challenge? Basically I feel victimized at work. I don't want to go into the detail here, I did that somewhere else and you can see it in all its glory here. But in a nutshell, I feel overloaded with work and not just me, but the whole team is struggling. I'm grappling with whether to lodge an actual grievance, confront my boss/es, go sick, etc. What struck me in today's lesson were the lines: "...let us rejoice that there is an answer to what seems to be a conflict with no resolution possible. All things are possible to God. Salvation must be yours because of His plan, which cannot fail."
How encouraging is that! Regardless of the situation I appear to face, the reality is that God has a plan for my salvation....which cannot fail. I don't know what it is at the moment in relation to my current job situation.
I'm aware of the resistance I have to asking God for help. One of the big things in my life was that I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home and it has left me with some baggage. Though quite a lot of it has been resolved, I still have the sense that God's plan, God's will, entails some big sacrifice on my part. Trusting that God is only wanting me to be healed, and that means happy, is a radical undoing of my version of ego, separateness and fear.
Still, I am in a situation which I see a conflict "with no resolution possible." In some ways there is really no choice but to hand the mess to God.
Today, I don't actively need to deal with the situation. It is a Sunday, and I did make the choice not to bring work home. Today, I can practise handing it over. God sees the situation, me, the whole big picture. I can just relax about it.
One question I have is, as a student of ACIM, would it ever be right to make a formal grievance? Supposing I did so from the most loving place within myself, with the intention of highlighting an abuse, injustice, etc?
A few years ago, I was in an abusive living situation. I started studying ACIM at that time, and it was Peace that became a mantra. My intention was peace, as best I understood it. Just 6 weeks after starting the Course I had to act in a radical way to get a person who was physically abusive out of my home. I did do it without hostility to him, but it did involve force...it seems so long ago, but at the time, I was frightened for my life. This is a more complicated situation, and as challenging in its own way. It is affecting not just me but other people. If I put in a grievance or make some other assertive outer response, it might just improve things for them. Again, I don't know the answer.
But I do know that God's Answer would be a miracle, and I think I was guided to the words of Robert Perry: " The miracle frees us from the prison of the past and thus releases the future. It collapses time...it frees us from having to free ourselves...the miracle frees us instantaneously, for it does not respect time and its laws of gradual change. It is our right.....We are freed of having to wait for it, for it is always there, waiting on us...We are called to be miracle workers, to miraculously release others from their imprisonment, but first we must accept miracle-mindedness for ourselves." (From The Answer is a Miracle by Robert Perry and Allen Watson, P.18)
I'm on my second journey through the workbook and must say it's a different experience this time round, much more "real." This situation at work is a bundle of "clouds" obscuring the light, can I accept I am responsible, it is a reflection of my inner world and so the work I have to do is in my inner world first?
Prayer for today, and until the situation is resolved:
"Dear God, please take hold of this situation at work. I am willing to do what You guide me to do. I claim the miracle that is waiting for me. I know that Your will for me is joy and freedom, not misery and bondage. I stop struggling and I trust that I will see Your Answer. And so it is."
It is wonderful that I do feel the truth of this, a sense of anticipation and peace tell me something has already happened. Thank You God!
Saturday 11 February 2012
The Inner Story.
On Friday morning I had something of an "Aha" moment as I realized I did not want to feel happy. If I felt happy, somehow it was letting my employers, the system, and myself off the hook. I wanted to be blaming SOMEBODY. I saw that I was choosing to blame and be resentful. I was reluctant to see this as of course it meant I could make a different choice.
This morning I read again from ACIM.
"The world you see is the delusional system of those made mad by guilt. Look carefully at this world, and you will realize that this is so. For this world is the symbol of punishment, and all the laws that seem to govern it are the laws of death. Children are born into it through pain and in pain. Their growth is attended by suffering and they learn of sorrow and separation and death.....This world is a picture of the crucifixion of God's Son. And until you realize that God's Son cannot be crucified, this is the world you will see. Yet you will not realize this until you accept the eternal fact that God's Son is not guilty. He deserves only love because he has given only love.l He cannot be condemned because he has never condemned. The Atonement is the final lesson he need learn, for it teaches him that never having sinned, he has no need of salvation."
This makes sense to me, especially if I think that the real God's Son is Christ, the Christ self in me and in every client and colleague. But most of all, I need to accept that Atonement for myself. The fact that I don't write perfect assessments, or do the job perfectly, is not a reflection on who I really am. It is more to do with the system of the world and its whole basis in guilt. So much of what I and all social workers do is about "covering our backs" to avoid guilt or condemnation. No wonder it's possible to finish a week of very hard work and yet wonder who was really helped by all this arduous effort.
And I can still choose to be in touch with my essence which is Love, dimly as I might be seeing that truth right now. Dim light is so much better than total darkness!
This morning I read again from ACIM.
"The world you see is the delusional system of those made mad by guilt. Look carefully at this world, and you will realize that this is so. For this world is the symbol of punishment, and all the laws that seem to govern it are the laws of death. Children are born into it through pain and in pain. Their growth is attended by suffering and they learn of sorrow and separation and death.....This world is a picture of the crucifixion of God's Son. And until you realize that God's Son cannot be crucified, this is the world you will see. Yet you will not realize this until you accept the eternal fact that God's Son is not guilty. He deserves only love because he has given only love.l He cannot be condemned because he has never condemned. The Atonement is the final lesson he need learn, for it teaches him that never having sinned, he has no need of salvation."
This makes sense to me, especially if I think that the real God's Son is Christ, the Christ self in me and in every client and colleague. But most of all, I need to accept that Atonement for myself. The fact that I don't write perfect assessments, or do the job perfectly, is not a reflection on who I really am. It is more to do with the system of the world and its whole basis in guilt. So much of what I and all social workers do is about "covering our backs" to avoid guilt or condemnation. No wonder it's possible to finish a week of very hard work and yet wonder who was really helped by all this arduous effort.
And I can still choose to be in touch with my essence which is Love, dimly as I might be seeing that truth right now. Dim light is so much better than total darkness!
Wednesday 18 January 2012
The Reality Beyond the Nightmare!
I woke again at 4 am to write this.I'd been feeling quite good and then got jolted by news about a colleague at work.
Do I feel centered? Do I feel at peace? It feels like, back to the real world with a bump. And yet.... around me, somehow, is a sense of presence. If I am still, it is there. I have written here about one of the nightmares of the world. The nightmare which seems so real. And yet I know, deep down, this is not Reality. The distinction is crucial. It is work "reality".
But the more it comes from Fear, be it my fear or the fear of employers or managers, the less it is Real. And sadly the less real power there is in the bureaucratic system to create a more loving world. Which is what it is trying to do, but in a crazy way. Fearful, stressed out workers are hardly empowered to have a positive impact on our clients!
How to respond to my colleague?
See her as the beautiful, loving human being she is. See that if this job, this role, are not for her, that does not make her less of a person. And there is a place for her, her true place. Trust the Reality behind the nightmare, behind her distress and behind all my painful emotions which are part of that nightmare. Reality cannot be threatened. Trust Reality no matter what appears to be happening. Isn't that the lesson? Forgive, forgive, forgive
Do I feel centered? Do I feel at peace? It feels like, back to the real world with a bump. And yet.... around me, somehow, is a sense of presence. If I am still, it is there. I have written here about one of the nightmares of the world. The nightmare which seems so real. And yet I know, deep down, this is not Reality. The distinction is crucial. It is work "reality".
But the more it comes from Fear, be it my fear or the fear of employers or managers, the less it is Real. And sadly the less real power there is in the bureaucratic system to create a more loving world. Which is what it is trying to do, but in a crazy way. Fearful, stressed out workers are hardly empowered to have a positive impact on our clients!
How to respond to my colleague?
See her as the beautiful, loving human being she is. See that if this job, this role, are not for her, that does not make her less of a person. And there is a place for her, her true place. Trust the Reality behind the nightmare, behind her distress and behind all my painful emotions which are part of that nightmare. Reality cannot be threatened. Trust Reality no matter what appears to be happening. Isn't that the lesson? Forgive, forgive, forgive
Saturday 7 January 2012
ACIM and work
This was part of my work related blog, now I'm keeping it a separate, parallel story.
After a miserable, resistant Christmas, a real low point, I think I finally surrendered. Accepted that Life is Big. That I don't have all the answers, that my ego has been really messing things up. And there is nothing special about that, that's what the world is all about. But it is not Reality. Reality is Love. At any moment I am choosing....ego, or Reality. When I choose ego, I'm miserable. When I choose Reality, I am at peace. It's simple. Not easy, but simple.
So this blog needs to begin to reflect that and speak of the deeper Reality in my life, including in social work.
I feel a bit exposed, since this is so personal. But it must be so, or I am not true to myself.
How is it different? Well, it means handing over the day, the tasks, the clients, as best I can, to a Higher Power. Yesterday I did that in the morning. If God is in charge, then I have slightly less of a burden to carry. I just show up and let the Spirit prepare the way and guide my actions. Does it make a difference? That's what I want to know.
After a miserable, resistant Christmas, a real low point, I think I finally surrendered. Accepted that Life is Big. That I don't have all the answers, that my ego has been really messing things up. And there is nothing special about that, that's what the world is all about. But it is not Reality. Reality is Love. At any moment I am choosing....ego, or Reality. When I choose ego, I'm miserable. When I choose Reality, I am at peace. It's simple. Not easy, but simple.
So this blog needs to begin to reflect that and speak of the deeper Reality in my life, including in social work.
I feel a bit exposed, since this is so personal. But it must be so, or I am not true to myself.
How is it different? Well, it means handing over the day, the tasks, the clients, as best I can, to a Higher Power. Yesterday I did that in the morning. If God is in charge, then I have slightly less of a burden to carry. I just show up and let the Spirit prepare the way and guide my actions. Does it make a difference? That's what I want to know.
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