The Inner Story.

On Friday morning I had something of an "Aha" moment as I realized I did not want to feel happy. If I felt happy, somehow it was letting my employers, the system, and myself off the hook. I wanted to be blaming SOMEBODY.  I saw that I was choosing to blame and be resentful. I was reluctant to see this as of course it meant I could make a different choice.

This morning I read again from ACIM.
"The world you see is the delusional system of those made mad by guilt. Look carefully at this world, and you will realize that this is so. For this world is the symbol of punishment, and all the laws that seem to govern it are the laws of death. Children are born into it through pain and in pain. Their growth is attended by suffering and they learn of sorrow and separation and death.....This world is a picture of the crucifixion of God's Son. And until you realize that God's Son cannot be crucified, this is the world you will see. Yet you will not realize this until you accept the eternal fact that God's Son is not guilty. He deserves only love because he has given only love.l He cannot be condemned because he has never condemned. The Atonement is the final lesson he need learn, for it teaches him that never having sinned, he has no need of salvation."

This makes sense to me, especially if I think that the real God's Son is Christ, the Christ self in me and in every client and colleague. But most of all, I need to accept that Atonement for myself. The fact that I don't  write perfect assessments, or do the job perfectly, is not a reflection on who I really am. It is more to do with the system of the world and its whole basis in guilt. So much of what I and all social workers do is about "covering our backs" to avoid guilt or condemnation. No wonder it's possible to finish a week of very hard work and yet wonder who was really helped by all this arduous effort.

And I can still choose to be in touch with my essence which is Love, dimly as I might be seeing that truth right now. Dim light is so much better than total darkness!